My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
