I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
