Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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