I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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