note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Holy sore nipples Batman
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
