I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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