just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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