Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
