his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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