Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
