I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
