At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
