I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
