the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
