Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
