you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.