She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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