i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
