We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
