shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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