You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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