So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
