yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
