i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
