Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Actions speak louder than pants.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
