she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
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... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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