I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
