just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
