i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
