Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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