not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
