Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
