she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
