Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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