I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
