you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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