Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
