That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
