You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
