well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
