Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
