some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I cannot find my penis.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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