last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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