No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
