I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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