I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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