U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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