I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
