I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize