We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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