dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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