my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
