can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
