everyone is single if you try hard enough
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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