I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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