Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
