I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
